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The finale episodes, “House’s Head” and “Wilson’s Heart” left me (as I’m sure they left most of you) speechless and maybe even in tears (not in small portion due to the stunning performances of Hugh Laurie, Robert Sean Leonard, and Anne Dudek). And, as every good cliffhanger should, the final scenes left us with a lot of questions on our collective mind. For example, why was House drinking himself to oblivion at five in the afternoon?
But, of course, the big question to ponder over the summer is: What is to become of House and Wilson’s friendship? And certainly, the two questions are connected. In the current TV Guide, series executive producer Katie Jacobs says that we should be worried about the relationship between House and Wilson. Has House’s neediness led to the inadvertent and tragic death of Wilson’s new love Amber? Will Wilson blame House, and if so, what will it take for Wilson to forgive him? We also don’t know whether the deep brain stimulation procedure undergone by House has harmed him in any way. Did Wilson ask too much of his friend, asking him to risk irreparable brain damage or death on the chance there was something else locked in his brain?
All of these questions loom over the summer hiatus. Before the terrible accident, House had accepted Amber’s place in Wilson’s life (grudgingly, but accepting it, nonetheless). But like other losses in his life, House had internalized his diminished place in Wilson’s life. Although he’d never admit it, House is at sea without Wilson. I think this is why he was drinking himself into oblivion at five in the afternoon. Without Wilson, House is isolated, alone, and a little lost.
Think back to the series pilot episode. It is only because of Wilson’s manipulation (and outright lie) that House takes on Wilson’s “cousin” Rebecca Adler. We are given the distinct impression that House had been pretty isolated since coming to Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital as head of diagnostic medicine. Now here we are, four years later in the aftermath of a tragic series of unfortunate events that have led to the death of Amber Volakis. And you have to wonder what will become of House if Wilson blames him for Amber’s death. Who will prevent House from withdrawing again, as he well might dealing with his own injuries, Amber’s death and his hand in it, and a healthy dose of survivor guilt that House will have, but try very hard to hide?
I do get the distinct impression that this is exactly what will happen. Wilson will blame House. Did House directly cause Amber’s demise? Of course not. Even at his worst and most self-absorbed, House is not someone who would cause harm to another human being intentionally. But has the manner in which House has lived his life — self-destructive, self-absorbed and isolated from most of humanity — finally hurt someone other than himself? And will Wilson, who has for years been trying to get House “to change” in some fundamental way, point to this and say, “See, look what I told you. Your self-destructive selfishness has caused the death of the person who has made me truly happy.” I can easily see Wilson simply washing his hands of House — without considering the impact on House. Or considering it and believing that he has no more time, energy or inclination to waste on trying “to help” his friend, perhaps even dismissing the importance of House’s self-sacrificial gesture to undergo the deep brain stimulation procedure.
Wilson will be understandably grief stricken. Anger is a normal part of the grieving process and House is an easy target as Wilson will want to lash out at someone. All of Wilson’s frustrations from his years of trying to “change House” are going to hit at once. Add to that House’s own state of mind: he’s got a good dose of survivor guilt (which we know based on that last dream sequence) and feels responsible. House will undoubtedly be quite a mess at the season’s start.
I can’t help but think of what Garrett Lerner and Russel Friend said to me when I spoke with them before “Wilson’s Heart.” They told me that House will be “in a place where he will be more reflective.” Amber’s death, Wilson’s ange, and House’s own feelings of guilt (and his own self-image) may provide an impetus for House to try and change his situation, a serious self-accounting.
Of course, one of the series’ mantras is “no one ever changes.” It’s not in human nature to make permanent, fundamental change. It’s incredibly hard; just ask anyone who’s tried to lose weight or give up smoking. But that doesn’t prevent people from trying. And I think, for what it’s worth, House will try “to change” — or at least try to make some changes in the way he lives.
On the other hand, I also think that, being true to his nature, House will try very hard to appear as if none of this has affected him at the least. “Wilson hates me? Fine. Who needs him anyway.” “You think my actions cause Amber’s death? Hell with you. She’s the one who insisted upon getting on the bus with me.” I think those will be close to House’s overt response to the situation, all the while being torn apart inside.
It will be a very tough ride for Dr. Gregory House in September. My magic pool hall oracle has told me so. (Not really, but I do have one on my desk at work, so I’ll ask it later.) Will Cuddy be there to help him pick up the pieces? She surely was there for him as he lay in his hospital bed, holding his hand and being at his side. I think her being with him, holding his hand, waiting for him to wake was very significant. I think she understands just what he sacrificed for Wilson, and what it may have cost him physically and emotionally. And I think she loves him for it, even if Wilson cannot at this point. The bond between House and Cuddy will strengthen and perhaps lead to something between them, if only for a brief moment in time.
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“You couldn’t kill her dream.” Dr. Gregory House, well-known curmudgeon couldn’t kill the dream of one lone astronaut? Was willing to keep her secret? Run tests “off the books?” (Well, that, at least sounds like House.) Cameron explains House’s own motivations to him at the end of the hour, showing us (and him) that she knows his heart better than we might suspect.
In the strike-shortened fourth season, House episode two–“The Right Stuff”—still stands as one of my favorite episodes of the season, if not the series. Why? Thanks for asking. “The Right Stuff” reveals something about House that I’d always suspected, but had never been spelled out so clearly (and twice) in one episode. House does have a genuine (albeit quirky) humanity, and despite his crazy-sounding game to hire a team of new fellows, we see it in evidence—with both a fellowship candidate and with the patient.
When I’d heard that House was going to weed out the candidates for his coveted fellowships ala Survivor, I was, to say the least, highly skeptical. I envisioned comedy and silliness (which the show House is certainly capable doing) overshadowing the serious (and occasionally dark) drama coming week after week for several episodes. My husband told me how dubious it all sounded, but after “The Right Stuff,” my fears had been much allayed. (Although a couple of the story arc’s episodes were somewhat over the top.) But the process of vetting the fellowship candidates more often resembled The Right Stuff (the film about the early days of the astronaut program based on Tom Wolfe’s novel) than Survivor. And thankfully so, as this aptly-named episode sets House’s fellowship selection process into high gear.
The patient, an ambitious pilot named Greta, with “the right stuff” pages House to his office, plopping $50,000 onto his desk to figure out why she “sees” sounds. “You’re the best,” she explains, and, she adds, “you don’t care about anyone but yourself.” (And, hence, open to a $50,000 bribe.)
She needs the diagnosis and treatment to be done “off the books” and behind the hospital’s back. She is adamant that NASA not find out that she may be sick, lest it disqualify her from pursuing her dream of joining the astronaut program. So, intrigued by Greta’s symptoms (and her challenge), House takes the case to a group of forty waiting and eager fellowship candidates.
Despite my pre-season misgivings about it, I actually like the way in which House tests the fellowship candidates. It’s completely in-character and has its own (Housian) logic. Set to work on the case (and subsequent cases), House observes how well they do their jobs. How creative they are; how observant they are; how skillful they are. As he asks Cuddy: why have them sit in his office and schmooze about surfing movies? I thought his assigning some of the fellows to wash his car was equally a test. How much would they take that was not “diagnosis-related?” One of the things that House most appreciates is the backbone to stand-up to him. He doesn’t bat an eye when cut-throat pixie steals his keys.
Wilson chides House that he will hire new fellows, not on the basis of skill, but because he doesn’t like them. “Hiring people you like,” he tells his friend, “that’s just stressful.” He views House’s reluctance to hire at all (as we saw in “Alone”), and then setting up an elaborate hiring game as ways to put off the inevitability of growing close to, and then losing, team members.
House continues testing and treating the patient until an incident in the treadmill room tells him that the game has to end. Doing a very cool and low-tech percussion thing, thumping Greta’s chest, House goes into full-on doctor mode (one of my favorite House states). He’s looking for masses, using his ear and sensitivity to great effect. It’s a beautiful teaching moment as the fellows get to observe House not as the consulting physician, not as the snarky, sarcastic lecturer, but as a serious and working physician. “If you have a good ear…” he begins. We know that House has a great ear, being a musician, etc. He gets serious with the patient (again something colleagues rarely get to see). The game is over, he tells her sadly. They have no choice but to do an invasive procedure. But as she pleads with him to find another way, House is clearly moved by her earnestness. She has gotten to him.
One of the candidates, a plastic surgeon named Taub, comes up with a creative way to perform the necessary procedure, yet hide it from prying NASA eyes–a “boob job!” Questioning House on this dubious procedure, Cuddy backs off when House assures her that it is in the “best interest of the patient.”
In the end, after she is finally diagnosed and treated, Greta expresses her anxiety that the fellows who have been treating her may rat her out to NASA. But House intervenes, coldly telling her and the fellows it’s too late; that he’s already done the ratting out and they needn’t bother. He stalks off, leaving Greta’s dreams of outer space destroyed.
But, it turns out, that far from ratting her out, House has actually protected her secret, running interference, trying to stop a “couple of leaky faucets,” who might spill the beans to NASA. Why do this, other than to protect the dream of a young lady who aspires to something so intensely, she risks much for her pursuit? House respects that sort of dedication; respects her and her devotion to her “one thing.” By so coldly destroying her dream in front of his two fellowship candidates, House has accomplished the dual tasks of shutting them up (he neither knows nor trusts any of them at this point); and he has furthered his reputation as a cold and heartless bastard—something that will be useful to him in distancing himself from them all.
Paring down his bloated team, House keeps “Scooter” a late-middle aged candidate, also known as “26.” Asking him to stick around for a minute, House reveals that he knows Scooter isn’t a doctor. But rather than doing this in front of the young and ambitious candidates (as we might suspect of him), House takes Scooter aside, not embarrassing him, confronting him gently. As with Greta, House respect Scooter’s willingness to risk much for a dream. Unable to keep him on as a doctor, House offers him the job he desires (if not the title), as he firmly (somewhat snarkily) and compassionately tells him that 30 years of auditing classes cannot make him a doctor. While some may view House’s interactions with Greta and Scooter as uncharacteristically kind, I would disagree. House has time and again (and usually away from the eyes of his colleagues) shown his compassion (and true kindness) for patients—and even colleagues.
At the same time he is trying to diagnose Greta and “manage” 20 fellowship candidates, House sees his old fellows Chase, Cameron and Foreman randomly around the hospital. Have they returned to work there? Are they visiting? Or is House having visions? In any event, the slightly unnerved Dr. House consults best friend James Wilson, who suggests they are visions brought on by House’s feelings of grief and guilt. As Wilson unabashedly plays with House’s mind, (enjoying it entirely too much), he tells him that Chase and Cameron are thousands of miles away in Arizona.
House eventually calls Wilson on his mind games after Chase shows up in the surgical gallery during a procedure. And Wilson fesses up to the mind games. House asks about Foreman, but when both Wilson and Cuddy confirm that he is working at a New York hospital, House is unnerved enough not to admit seeing him as well. Does House (as Wilson suggests) have residual feelings for his old team? Clearly he does, but, like everything else about House’s emotions, this is suppressed.
Season five of House debuts September 16 (not September 2, as was previously announced by FOX). The season four DVD hits the streets on August 19.
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Dr. Cameron: Men should grow up.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. And dogs should stop licking themselves. It’s not gonna happen.
Dr. Wilson: Beauty often seduces us on the road to truth.
Dr. Gregory House: And triteness kicks us in the nads.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I think your argument is specious.
Dr. Gregory House: I think your tie is ugly.
Dr. Wilson: That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality.
Dr. Gregory House: Thank you. It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain.
Dr. Gregory House: Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot.
Dr. Gregory House: A patient comes because she’s sleeping 16 hours a day, and it takes ten doctors and a coma to diagnose sleeping sickness.
Dr. Gregory House: You can think I’m wrong, but that’s no reason to quit thinking.
[
Cameron is in the lab working on some equipment]
Dr. Gregory House: Mixing up some margaritas? Mine’s a double, Senorita. That’s Portuguese you know.
Dr. Cameron: [
too quietly] Spanish.
Dr. Gregory House: Uh-oh. What’s going on?
Dr. Cameron: I’m re-calibrating the centrifuge.
Dr. Gregory House: Turn around.
[
she's been crying]
Dr. Gregory House: It’s a very sad thing, an un-calibrated centrifuge. It makes me cry too.
Dr. Cameron: I’m not crying.
Dr. Gregory House: Ok.
[
pause]
Dr. Cameron: …When I was in college, I… I fell in love, and I got married. And…
Dr. Gregory House: At that age the chances of a marriage lasting…
Dr. Cameron: It lasted six months. Thyroid cancer metastasized to his brain. There was nothing they could do. I was 21, and I watched my husband die.
Dr. Gregory House: I’m sorry,
[
pause]
Dr. Gregory House: but that’s not the whole story. It’s a symptom, not your illness. Thyroid cancer would have been diagnosed at least a year before his death, you knew he was dying when you married him. Must have been when you first met him; and you married him anyway. You can’t be that good a person and well adjusted.
Dr. Cameron: Why?
Dr. Gregory House: Because you wind up crying over centrifuges.
Dr. Cameron: Or hating people?
Dr. Gregory House: Ah, the Socratic Method. The best way we have of teaching everything-apart from juggling chainsaws.
Dr. Wilson: [
to House] Trying to win Stacy back by killing an animal. Very caveman.
Dr. Gregory House: Chase loves me. And isn’t Turkish.
Dr. Wilson: No, Cameron loves you. Chase loves his job.
Dr. Gregory House: How was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?
Dr. Gregory House: [
to EMT guy who has just tried to give directions] You wanted to be a doctor, maybe you should have buckled down a little more in high school.
Stacy Warner: If I thought you were capable of listening, I’d shut up.
Dr. Gregory House: That makes no sense at all.
Dr. Gregory House: Nobel invented dynamite. I won’t accept his blood money.
Dr. Gregory House: J’ever notice, how all the self-sacrificing women in history, Joan of Arc, Mother Teresa… can’t think of any others, they all die alone? The men, on the other hand, get so much fuzz it’s crazy.
Dr. Wilson: It’s an unfair world.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: If you would consider going to a shrink, I would pay for it myself. The hospital would hold a bake sale, for God’s sake.
Dr. Gregory House: [
hearing serious news about patient on phone] Check it again. I’ll be right there.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: What happened?
Dr. Gregory House: Apparently I can save money by switching to another long-distance carrier.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, there’s the fever that Cameron was looking for.
Dr. Cameron: We knew if it was myelitis there had to be an -itis. This must be the infection that set it off.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. Except in this universe effect follows cause. I’ve complained about it, but…
Dr. Eric Foreman: Yeah, you’re all about nurturing.
Dr. Gregory House: Do you need a hug?
Dr. Robert Chase: I’d give her two months.
Dr. Gregory House: On the bright side, it still means I was right.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, bite me!
Dr. Gregory House: Eighth time’s the charm!
Dr. Gregory House: The Cripple Boys. We should start a band.
Dr. Eric Foreman: “The body does crazy things.” Well, that explains everything.
Dr. Gregory House: Trouble in paradise. 2 o’clock.
Dr. Wilson: Wait, your 2 o’clock or my 2 o’clock?
Dr. Gregory House: Over there!
Dr. Gregory House: Chase loves me.
[
about Wilson's horrible Chase impression]
Dr. Gregory House: And isn’t Turkish.
Dr. Gregory House: How does someone just start drooling? Chase? Were you wearing your short shorts?
Stacy Warner: I need to talk to you.
Dr. Gregory House: From the doorway?
Stacy Warner: It’s confidential.
Dr. Gregory House: Cool. I love gossip.
Dr. Robert Chase: She was fine two hours ago.
Dr. Gregory House: If by fine you mean bleeding profusely out of every orifice, then yeah, I believe you.
Dr. Cameron: [
outraged] You pulled my medical records?
Dr. Gregory House: You coughed the other day, I was concerned.
Dr. Cameron: You were curious. Like an eight year old boy with a puzzle that’s just a little too grown up for him to figure out.
[
stalks off]
Dr. Gregory House: To-MAY-to, to-MAH-to…
Dr. Gregory House: I saw the light on.
Dr. Cameron: It’s daytime.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. It’s a figure of speech. Always so literal.
[
pause]
Dr. Cameron: Got a new cane.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. Guy in the store said it was slimming. Vertical stripe…
Dr. Cameron: Why are you here?
Dr. Cameron: Vogler is dead.
Dr. Cameron: What? What happened?
Dr. Gregory House: Again with the literal translation. Vogler the idea, Mr. Destructo, Mr. Moneybags, bow does before me; he is gone from the hospital, so things can go back to the way they were.
Dr. Cameron: The way they were was kind of weird.
Dr. Gregory House: Weird works for me.
Dr. Cameron: What are you saying? Literally?
Dr. Gregory House: I want you to come back.
Dr. Cameron: Why?
[
House's beeper goes off, Cameron crosses her arms]
Dr. Gregory House: Please unclench. You’re not on the clock, and when you do that, I clench, and then it’s the whole thing…
Dr. Cameron: Could you look at your pager?
[
he does]
Dr. Gregory House: It’s no big deal, some sort of epidemic. Not my area.
Dr. Cameron: You should go, it’s important.
Dr. Gregory House: What I’m doing now is important.
Dr. Cameron: Why do you want me back?
Dr. Gregory House: Because you’re a good doctor.
Dr. Cameron: That’s it?
Dr. Gregory House: That’s not enough?
Dr. Cameron: Not for me. Go deal with your plague.
[
she shuts the door in his face]
Dr. Gregory House: Why are you doing this?
Dr. Cameron: I’m not doing anything.
Dr. Gregory House: You’re manipulating everyone.
Dr. Cameron: People… dismiss me. Because I’m a woman, because I’m pretty, because I’m not agressive. My opinions shouldn’t be rejected just because people don’t like me.
Dr. Gregory House: They like you. Everyone likes you.
[
he starts to walk away]
Dr. Cameron: Do you?
[
pause]
Dr. Cameron: I have to know.
Dr. Gregory House: No.
Dr. Cameron: [
smiles quietly] Okay.
Dr. Gregory House: Read less, more TV.
Dr. Gregory House: That’s absurd. I love it.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You need a lawyer.
Stacy Warner: You avoid work like the plague, unless it actually is the plague.
Stacy Warner: God, you are such an idiot.
Dr. Gregory House: Actually, I thought I was more of a jerk.
Dr. Gregory House: Oxygen is so important during those prepubescent years, don’t you think?
Dr. Eric Foreman: No neurologist in his right mind would recommend that.
Dr. Gregory House: Show of hands: who thinks I’m not in my right mind? And who thinks I forget this very basic neurological fact? Who thinks there’s a third option?
[
Dr. Chase raises his hand]
Dr. Gregory House: Very good. What’s the third choice?
Dr. Robert Chase: No idea. You just asked if I thought there was one.
Dr. Cameron: Twelve-year-olds don’t have sex.
Dr. Gregory House: Their mistake.
Dr. Gregory House: [
sticking his head into an exam room] Need a consult!
Dr. Wilson: With a patient!
Dr. Gregory House: Urgent doctor stuff.
Dr. Cameron: All this hate is toxic.
Dr. Wilson: I love my wife.
Dr. Gregory House: You certainly love saying it.
Dr. Wilson: At least I try.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, as long as you’re trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
Dr. Wilson: And as long as you’re not trying, you can say whatever you want.
Dr. Gregory House: So between us we can do anything. We can rule the world!
Dr. Gregory House: I find your interest interesting.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: It takes two department heads to treat shortness of breath? What, did the complications increase exponentially with cup size?
Dr. Cameron: You want me to tell a man whose wife is about to die that she may have cheated on him?
Dr. Gregory House: No, I want you to be polite and let her die.
Dr. Gregory House: Chicks dig this
[
waves cane]
Dr. Gregory House: It’s better than a puppy!
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: People talk.
Dr. Gregory House: About how big your ass is getting? I’ve been defending you- you got back!
Dr. Cameron: I’m uncomfortable about sex.
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, we don’t have to talk about this…
Dr. Cameron: Sex COULD kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you’re lifting three times your body weight. It’s violent. It’s ugly. And it’s messy. And if God hadn’t made it UNBELIEVABLY fun, the human race would have died out eons ago.
[
She pauses to catch her breath]
Dr. Robert Chase: [
He is speechless]
Dr. Cameron: Men are lucky they can only have one orgasm. Know that women can have an hour long orgasm?
Dr. Eric Foreman: [
enters]
Dr. Cameron: [
as if nothing had just occurred] Hey Foreman. What’s up?
Dr. Gregory House: Ah, a rash, call a dermatologist. If it’s wet, keep it dry. If it’s dry, keep it wet. If it’s not supposed to be there, cut it off. I never could remember all that.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I need you to wear your lab coat.
Dr. Gregory House: I need two days of outrageous sex with someone obscenely younger than you. Like half your age.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [
to House] These regulations aren’t just here to annoy you.
Dr. Robert Chase: I think we need to take his girlfriend’s theory into account.
Dr. Cameron: Oh, and what is that?
Dr. Robert Chase: She thinks she rode him to death.
Dr. Wilson: Even I don’t like you!
Dr. Gregory House: Words can hurt you know.
Dr. Gregory House: I’m extremely disappointed. I send you out for exciting, new designer drugs, you come back with tomato sauce.
Dr. Gregory House: Everybody lies.
[
repeated line]
Dr. Gregory House: We’re missing something.
Dr. Gregory House: Hey! You’re killing her!
Edward Vogler: Really?
Dr. Gregory House: She knew the risks! One blip in the data and your results are off!
Edward Vogler: The FDA eats blips for breakfast! One person shouldn’t endanger thousands!
Dr. Gregory House: Thank God for you to save all those lives!
Edward Vogler: [
chuckles] Calm down. Why don’t you play some Game Boy? Watch your soap? I hear they’re firing the handsome doctor today.
Dr. Gregory House: Overall, drug addicts are idiots
Dr. Wilson: I love my wife.
Dr. Gregory House: You loved all your wives.
Dr. Gregory House: I take risks, sometimes patients die, but not taking risks causes more patients to die - so I guess my biggest problem is I’ve been cursed with the ability to do the math.
Dr. Eric Foreman: How’d she get to you?
Dr. Gregory House: She’s the CEO of Sonyo cosmetics. Three assistants and fifteen VPs checked out who should be treating her. Who da man? I da man. I always suspected.
Dr. Cameron: That’s not necessarily bad news.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Do you ever watch “Gilligan’s Island” reruns and really, really think they’re going to get off the island this time?
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, let’s go further outside the box. Let’s say the angio revealed a clot, and let’s say we treated that clot, and now she’s all better, and personally thanked me by performing…
Dr. Cameron: My Aunt Elisa lives in Philadelphia.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, it’s storytime! Let me get my baba.
Dr. Wilson: Oh, this is where I give you advice and pretend you are going listen to it, I love this part.
Dr. Gregory House: Be home by midnight or you can’t have the car this weekend.
Dr. Gregory House: Fascinating story. Did you think about adapting it to the stage?
Dr. Gregory House: You don’t want to burden him because you were such a lousy dad.
Dr. Gregory House: Dr. Cuddy. Thanks for the consult. His throat seems to have some condition.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: He has a sore throat.
Dr. Gregory House: Of *course*! Yes! Why didn’t I… He… He said that it hurt and I should have deduced that it was sore.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I was in a board meeting.
Dr. Gregory House: Patients come first, right?
Dr. Eric Foreman: It’s dangerous, it could kill him. You should do it.
Dr. Gregory House: McPhearson? Horrible doctor, I heard he tortured kittens.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: No, McDonald.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, McDonald? Wonderful Doctor, loves kittens
Dr. Cameron: [
discussing a patient's diagnosis] What about sex?
Dr. Gregory House: Well, it might get complicated. We work together. I am older, certainly, but maybe you like that.
Dr. Cameron: I meant maybe he has neurosyphilis.
Dr. Gregory House: Heh, nice cover.
Dr. Cameron: I’m the only one who’s always stood behind you when you’ve screwed up.
Dr. Gregory House: Why? Why would you support someone who screws up?
Dr. Cameron: Because I’m not insanely insecure, and because I can actually trust in another human being, and I am not an angry, misanthropic son of a bitch.
Dr. Gregory House: I’m sorry. You said you *weren’t* angry.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You are aware of the Hippocratic oath, right?
Dr. Gregory House: The one that starts, “First, do no harm”, then goes on to tell us: no abortions, no seductions, and definitely no cutting of those who labor beneath the stone? Yeah, took a read once. Wasn’t impressed.
Dr. Gregory House: [
House has had a confrontation with Stacy's wheelchair-bound husband] How awkward was that? What is he doing here, anyway? He’s got physio Tuesdays and Fridays.
Dr. Wilson: He’s in group therapy for people coping with disability. He thought about developing a drug addiction, but that would be stupid.
Dr. Gregory House: Hey! You again!
Dr. Gregory House: The drugs don’t make me high, they make me neutral.
Dr. Gregory House: I teach you to lie, cheat, and steal, and as soon as my back’s turned you wait in line?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: How is waking me up in the middle of the night to lie to a patient supposed to convince me you’re better than House?
Dr. Eric Foreman: [
holds up coffee] I brought you coffee?
Dr. Wilson: Did you know your phone is dead? Do you ever recharge the batteries?
Dr. Gregory House: They recharge? I just keep buying new phones.
Dr. Gregory House: Sorry, I missed that. White count’s been down since the Ricky Martin concert. Some cholo kicked me in the head.
Dr. Gregory House: You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a…
[
pauses]
Dr. Gregory House: I can’t think of a non-sexual metaphor.
[
upon seeing bowls of candy canes set out for Christmas]
Dr. Gregory House: Candy *canes*? Are you mocking me?
Dr. Gregory House: Would the world be a better place if people never felt guilty? Makes sex better. Shoulda seen her in the last months of our relationship. Lot of guilt. *Lot* of screaming.
[
repeated line]
Dr. Cameron: I hate sports metaphors.
Dr. Cameron, Dr. Eric Foreman, Dr. Robert Chase: [
speaking about patient's symptoms] We’ve got rectal bleeding.
Dr. Gregory House: What, all three of you?
[
House has a patient, and finds Chase chatting up a girl]
Dr. Gregory House: [
to Chase] Hey, how’s that anal fissure?
Dr. Gregory House: [
walks in] Good morning.
[
looks at coffee mug, laughs]
Dr. Gregory House: Hah, this is funny, people don’t…
Dr. Cameron: Not done reading, go away.
Dr. Gregory House: [
House leaves]
Dr. Cameron: Most likely, she coughed it up, which would mean it’s from her lungs. Drugs, toxins, infections?
Dr. Eric Foreman: No fever, no elevated white count, which rules out infections…
Dr. Cameron: And, blood panels found no drugs, or toxins.
Dr. Robert Chase: Loncoscopy was pristine… so much for the lungs…
Dr. Gregory House: [
walks back in] Good morning!
Dr. Robert Chase: Not yet!
[
House leaves again]
Dr. Cameron: So then the blood came from her stomach, which would mean it’s an ulcer or a GI bleed.
Dr. Eric Foreman: The ER also ran an upper and lower GI, no blood.
Dr. Robert Chase: Which means no ulcer or GI bleed, which means it’s not from the stomach either, which means… the blood didn’t come from anywhere?
[
Everyone looks confused]
Dr. Gregory House: [
Pops head in] Did you guys get to the point that the blood doesn’t come from anywhere?
source: imdb.com
